I'd been watching you, know..

I'd been watching you, know..

I wish you'd stayed

You were never mine. But You were perfect

You were special. Different.

Thank you for how much you protected me

I been waking up in that strange room,

Oh I resisted at first,

but hunger finally wins

playing with my sexual appetite and

insecurities, those little fears.

Am I good enough, do they really love me

am I smart enough,

Some are great at hiding insecurities while others wear them on their sleeves for all to see. Some need constant reassurances

Am I making enough eye contact? Too much?

What’s my body doing? what comes out of my mouth.

Why is everyone else so calm? How are they looking so relaxed and like this is all easy for them?

I'm complicated. I know this. I try SO fucKing hard to not allow my head to get in the way of things. But it does. It's who I am. This backfires. I know it. I'm not blind to who I am. I break my own heart on the constant.

Again .... defense. Silence .... when your words are needed the most It frightens me to my fucKing core at times. I know U I hear me. I'm very fucking aware.

Admin of nine